Thank you for this thoughtful message. I do harken back to learning that Hashem doesn't work for us, but rather we are to walk in His ways. It is difficult to understand how free will works when Hashem is outside of time and would already know the results of the decisions and actions people make. Perhaps all we can hope for, as you say, is that our efforts will be noticed and have merit.
שבת שלום ואני מקווה אותך רפואה שלמה בשביל הרגל שלך
Really beautiful dvar and reflection, Dr. Bitton, and Shabbat shalom!
Back before I made teshuvah (ie, in my Christian days 😐), I read Dr Kate Bowler’s “Everything Happens for a Reason (And Other Lies I’ve Loved)”, which—albeit with a really different starting point and theology—wrestles with the “G-d has a plan” platitude (dogma?). Personally, I hate the “G-d had a plan” bit for the same reasons Kate does. At 27, I received a life-altering rare disease* diagnosis** induced by an ankle surgery nearly three years ago to the day—I’d run 25 miles in the week before surgery, and I’d gotten married one month before… Yes, I've def matured as a person of faith (Jewish or otherwise), young man, spouse, etc., but I can't accept that the growth I've experienced in three years truly required the literally crippling pain and disability that came with it. I can’t believe in a relational, living, loving G-d—the Tanakhic G-d—whose plan for me involved putting me in so much pain at times that Ive wanted to kms. The G-d of the Tanakh and Rabbis never did that; why would I be special in the worst way!?
On the other hand, the relational, living, loving G-d I brought into my comment above provided scientists and then physicians with advanced technology since 2015-ish that has brought my pain and disability to heel over the past few months—I’m a legit cyborg now, having had a dorsal root ganglion neurostimulator implanted at my right L4 and L5 in mid-September. I’m still healing (it’ll take about a year to fully recover, get through PT, find my optimal settings, and find my new energy-level normal) and will always have residual symptoms, the doctors say. Still, something like the divine plan I’ve railed against doesn’t seem quite as outlandish as it used to…
*like, it’s on the government’s list of rare diseases lmao.
**a neurological condition known as type 2 complex regional pain syndrome
Jonathan, thank you for sharing this. I’m really moved by it.
I adore Kate Bowler’s book, and I think people who’ve lived through serious, life-altering illness—Kate, and you—push all of us toward a more honest and mature theology. One that refuses platitudes like “God had a plan” when those words do real harm.
I’m very aligned with your resistance to that framing. I don’t believe the God of Tanakh or the rabbis requires crippling suffering in order for us to grow. And I hear how dangerous that idea can be when pain is overwhelming.
What you write about God showing up not as the author of suffering but through human care, science, and healing resonates deeply with me. Thank you for trusting us with something so personal. Wishing you continued healing and steadier ground ahead. Shabbat Shalom!
First, Chanukah Sameach and may your foot continue to heal after that injury in these brightening days even with less sunlight by the day.
Your sharing of that adverse personal experience with your reflections on the parsha is most inspiring.
In your personal story of that setback of not getting a fellowship to which you had applied, even merely reading about the reaction you received, even that long ago, was unsettling and also for many reading like me suppose, an all too familiar experience.
Over the years, many of us have indeed shared an adverse experience with a trusted and/or respected party whom we knew pesonally, even after we were struck by terrible news or injury, only to in turn not receive any sort of healing, if not also yet another emotional blow, after we were already hurt!
Tying matters to your reflections on the parsha, beyond Reuben's intent, let's note that the rest of Joseph's brothers, EVEN after their initial evil intent to kill Joseph, decided upon and executed yet another poor choice after having a clear chance to reconsider EVEN AFTER Joseph had been in the pit for some time!
Reuben had the good intent at the very least with a credible plan, but the brothers no doubt not only had initial evil intent, but then they firmly decided to act upon their evil intent!
So what all too often happens sadly sometimes when we are in a figurative pit, or lower state of feeling or being?
Yes, I would be remiss not to mention many of our feelings this week after the events of last weekend, especially in consideration of our interactions with others not as attuned to such events or as sensitive to them.
Tying the story of Jacob's son Joseph to many disappointing and often traumatic experiences of also our respective more remote personal pasts, even like all of Joseph's brothers except Reuben, others did have and do have the chance to make better choices in how they treat others EVEN when their initial proceedings were far less than honourable, nurturing, and reassuring, such as generated via empathy.
Life's taught more than me that empathy is a skill and ability that must be nurtured and grown from whatever level one has naturally. But like all of Joseph's brothers save Reuben, indeed not everybody some of us might know has empathy either, even though they may have many other virtues.
How often are we in a figurative pit, much as Joseph was also in a real pit, seeking out for help from some friendly party who won't simply be a bystander, or by contrast how often are WE the upstanding party walking by who is helping out those in a figurative pit?
There's much upon which to reflect right there during Chanukah now and this time of year in general now as well.
Well I will certainly ponder more deeply what more I can do than I do so as to challenge and improve myself, including to improve empathy as I go about doing mitzvot and to reach out with a helping hand up to those "in a pit" much more. Once again, only when we do better and good can others experience and see more for themselves to perhaps do better, including to improve empathy as well, right?
Thank you again for your insight, reflection, and inspiration.
Mijal, I love your essay, and your searching for Truth not in a cerebral way, but in order to become God-conscious in your life. My own spiritual search started 57 years ago with my first trip to India. Now, living In Jerusalem for the last 40 years, looking back at five years of fertility treatments, cancer, five major surgeries, and seven wars (including the Oct. 7 War, where my son was called up to the Reserves), I can honestly say that everything comes from Hashem, and everything Hashem does is good (even though it doesn't feel good) because if we use it for our spiritual growth, we become the best version of ourselves. And that's the whole point of our souls coming down into the physical world.
Such interesting reflections to ponder. It fascinates me that Joseph was able to look back this way because he was somehow able to feel seen by G-d all the way through his suffering. He was guileless through it all and never played victim. What may have been youthful cockiness turned quickly into more mature confidence and activism. Quite a role model.
I just watched the horrible propoganda videos released by the families of the Beautiful Six celebrating Chanukah. I could barely get on with my day. I will think of them and pray they each felt "seen" and even better, know they were touched by G-d to their tragic end. Our family will light a candle for each, each of the first 6 nights, the 7th candle for all innocent Gazans including every child, and the 8th for שלם, wholeness, that primordial light increases to a level of clarity that we forever choose life over death.
Btw- I adore Rabbi Sacks but his quote is an adaptation from Kierkegaard, more often attributed to Freud!
Thank you for this thoughtful message. I do harken back to learning that Hashem doesn't work for us, but rather we are to walk in His ways. It is difficult to understand how free will works when Hashem is outside of time and would already know the results of the decisions and actions people make. Perhaps all we can hope for, as you say, is that our efforts will be noticed and have merit.
שבת שלום ואני מקווה אותך רפואה שלמה בשביל הרגל שלך
Thank you so much, Tovia! I like how you put it that Hashem doesn't work for us but we still seek to walk in His ways..
thank you for the kind blessings! Shabbat Shalom!
Really beautiful dvar and reflection, Dr. Bitton, and Shabbat shalom!
Back before I made teshuvah (ie, in my Christian days 😐), I read Dr Kate Bowler’s “Everything Happens for a Reason (And Other Lies I’ve Loved)”, which—albeit with a really different starting point and theology—wrestles with the “G-d has a plan” platitude (dogma?). Personally, I hate the “G-d had a plan” bit for the same reasons Kate does. At 27, I received a life-altering rare disease* diagnosis** induced by an ankle surgery nearly three years ago to the day—I’d run 25 miles in the week before surgery, and I’d gotten married one month before… Yes, I've def matured as a person of faith (Jewish or otherwise), young man, spouse, etc., but I can't accept that the growth I've experienced in three years truly required the literally crippling pain and disability that came with it. I can’t believe in a relational, living, loving G-d—the Tanakhic G-d—whose plan for me involved putting me in so much pain at times that Ive wanted to kms. The G-d of the Tanakh and Rabbis never did that; why would I be special in the worst way!?
On the other hand, the relational, living, loving G-d I brought into my comment above provided scientists and then physicians with advanced technology since 2015-ish that has brought my pain and disability to heel over the past few months—I’m a legit cyborg now, having had a dorsal root ganglion neurostimulator implanted at my right L4 and L5 in mid-September. I’m still healing (it’ll take about a year to fully recover, get through PT, find my optimal settings, and find my new energy-level normal) and will always have residual symptoms, the doctors say. Still, something like the divine plan I’ve railed against doesn’t seem quite as outlandish as it used to…
*like, it’s on the government’s list of rare diseases lmao.
**a neurological condition known as type 2 complex regional pain syndrome
Jonathan, thank you for sharing this. I’m really moved by it.
I adore Kate Bowler’s book, and I think people who’ve lived through serious, life-altering illness—Kate, and you—push all of us toward a more honest and mature theology. One that refuses platitudes like “God had a plan” when those words do real harm.
I’m very aligned with your resistance to that framing. I don’t believe the God of Tanakh or the rabbis requires crippling suffering in order for us to grow. And I hear how dangerous that idea can be when pain is overwhelming.
What you write about God showing up not as the author of suffering but through human care, science, and healing resonates deeply with me. Thank you for trusting us with something so personal. Wishing you continued healing and steadier ground ahead. Shabbat Shalom!
💙
This was beautiful! Cant wait to listen to your interview on AAJ.
Thank you! Shabbat Shalom!
Wow Dr. Bitton.
First, Chanukah Sameach and may your foot continue to heal after that injury in these brightening days even with less sunlight by the day.
Your sharing of that adverse personal experience with your reflections on the parsha is most inspiring.
In your personal story of that setback of not getting a fellowship to which you had applied, even merely reading about the reaction you received, even that long ago, was unsettling and also for many reading like me suppose, an all too familiar experience.
Over the years, many of us have indeed shared an adverse experience with a trusted and/or respected party whom we knew pesonally, even after we were struck by terrible news or injury, only to in turn not receive any sort of healing, if not also yet another emotional blow, after we were already hurt!
Tying matters to your reflections on the parsha, beyond Reuben's intent, let's note that the rest of Joseph's brothers, EVEN after their initial evil intent to kill Joseph, decided upon and executed yet another poor choice after having a clear chance to reconsider EVEN AFTER Joseph had been in the pit for some time!
Reuben had the good intent at the very least with a credible plan, but the brothers no doubt not only had initial evil intent, but then they firmly decided to act upon their evil intent!
So what all too often happens sadly sometimes when we are in a figurative pit, or lower state of feeling or being?
Yes, I would be remiss not to mention many of our feelings this week after the events of last weekend, especially in consideration of our interactions with others not as attuned to such events or as sensitive to them.
Tying the story of Jacob's son Joseph to many disappointing and often traumatic experiences of also our respective more remote personal pasts, even like all of Joseph's brothers except Reuben, others did have and do have the chance to make better choices in how they treat others EVEN when their initial proceedings were far less than honourable, nurturing, and reassuring, such as generated via empathy.
Life's taught more than me that empathy is a skill and ability that must be nurtured and grown from whatever level one has naturally. But like all of Joseph's brothers save Reuben, indeed not everybody some of us might know has empathy either, even though they may have many other virtues.
How often are we in a figurative pit, much as Joseph was also in a real pit, seeking out for help from some friendly party who won't simply be a bystander, or by contrast how often are WE the upstanding party walking by who is helping out those in a figurative pit?
There's much upon which to reflect right there during Chanukah now and this time of year in general now as well.
Well I will certainly ponder more deeply what more I can do than I do so as to challenge and improve myself, including to improve empathy as I go about doing mitzvot and to reach out with a helping hand up to those "in a pit" much more. Once again, only when we do better and good can others experience and see more for themselves to perhaps do better, including to improve empathy as well, right?
Thank you again for your insight, reflection, and inspiration.
שבוע טוב
Mijal, I love your essay, and your searching for Truth not in a cerebral way, but in order to become God-conscious in your life. My own spiritual search started 57 years ago with my first trip to India. Now, living In Jerusalem for the last 40 years, looking back at five years of fertility treatments, cancer, five major surgeries, and seven wars (including the Oct. 7 War, where my son was called up to the Reserves), I can honestly say that everything comes from Hashem, and everything Hashem does is good (even though it doesn't feel good) because if we use it for our spiritual growth, we become the best version of ourselves. And that's the whole point of our souls coming down into the physical world.
Such interesting reflections to ponder. It fascinates me that Joseph was able to look back this way because he was somehow able to feel seen by G-d all the way through his suffering. He was guileless through it all and never played victim. What may have been youthful cockiness turned quickly into more mature confidence and activism. Quite a role model.
I just watched the horrible propoganda videos released by the families of the Beautiful Six celebrating Chanukah. I could barely get on with my day. I will think of them and pray they each felt "seen" and even better, know they were touched by G-d to their tragic end. Our family will light a candle for each, each of the first 6 nights, the 7th candle for all innocent Gazans including every child, and the 8th for שלם, wholeness, that primordial light increases to a level of clarity that we forever choose life over death.
Btw- I adore Rabbi Sacks but his quote is an adaptation from Kierkegaard, more often attributed to Freud!
Trying to reconcile “God’s plan for me” with free will, as implied by being “created in God’s image,” naturally leads to considering a view of semi-autonomous agency. https://blogs.timesofisrael.com/understanding-ai-through-a-torah-lens/