The line, "I have had a simple tool to stabilize me: I will always have faith in my grandmother’s God" brought tears to my eyes. I lovingly recall my grandma going to the window after lighting candles and talking to God for 15 minutes in Ladino.
I might also add that large potions of the yeshiva/Ashkenazic segments of American Jews never sought acceptance.
Grandmothers are the best. My abuelita z'l shaped me and who I want to be in the most special of ways. Sounds like you experienced this extraordinary power as well :)
Yes - re: agreed with your comment about other similar Ashkenazi communities.
As my (Ashkenazi) Jewish-American mentor used to say, "skim the cream from both cups and leave the rest behind". I am a 1st generation (not Jewish) American but was a recipient of much Jewish-American generosity in my early life & (as a true Christian believer) was raised to love & respect Jewish culture. My children, and their children, shall know of the love and appreciation that I forever hold in my heart for their memory, and what they did for me. Enormous contributions have been made to all Human Civilization by those who identified as Jews. I hope and pray they may stay under God's protection, and their culture may be preserved for the betterment of all mankind.
What an awesome quote! Love it! Thank you for your blessing - it means a lot. As my teacher Rabbi Jonathan Sacks would remind us, it's when people of different faiths are able to come together and support each other and see each others contributions and blessings that we can do great things for the world and each other. Wishing you a Shabbat Shalom!
Thank you for this. I am ashki but grew up among Bucharian Jews in Tajikistan. The Ashkenazi Jews viewed themselves more civilized while Bucharians held on to their “archaic” religious practices and continued their language. In truth they were also less persecuted for the reasons I won’t get into here. But nevertheless they preserved Judaism and had an easier time bringing it w them to America and Israel.
Now I am married to a Moroccan Jew and his family is exactly as you describe and I have fully embraced all of it. Turns out the fierce Zionism of a Soviet Jew meshes quite well with the unquestioning, devotion of a Moroccan Jew.
My one observation however of the Montreal largely Moroccan community that is for the most part in a different area from the Ashkenaz that in the unfolding of the October 7 antizionism the Moroccans are doubling down on their devotion and remain internally strong but they are not out demonstrating and displaying Israeli flags the way Montreal Ashkenazi are doing. Perhaps it is because the Ashkenazi felt a sense of belonging and acceptance that they are now fighting to defend that right. The “fight” it seems to me is one thing that Sephardi can learn from Ashkenazim. Since you mention that this is the next thing you are writing in your head :)
That is such an interesting observation about Montreal and the differences between Moroccans and Ashkenazim. I have to think more about this!
also loved reading about your relationship: "Turns out the fierce Zionism of a Soviet Jew meshes quite well with the unquestioning, devotion of a Moroccan Jew". Two of my close friends have soviet background and I think about this a lot - how our disparate experiences still have a lot in common!
Thank you for responding! Obviously I am over generalizing. The history of each community is so different. I wonder if the Syrian community in NY that largely came in the 90s like the Soviet Jews fight similarly? Is it different in the Iranian community? We don’t live in Montreal so it is just a “spot” observation. Some of this is also leadership driven. (Btw I am in West Hartford where we have friends in common I think :)
Your writing Mijal more than resonates with me. It reverberates. What strikes me most is when you write that institutions could support families at the center instead of the other way around.
From my own experience within ashkenazic conservative and reform synagogues, there is "programming", some very meaningful, but most short lived. The emphasis is on paralleling a business model, rather than rabbinic or educational. The programs serve short term purposes within families who aspire to integrated life choices with little to no geographical boundaries that prioritize being close to family. And if they prioritize being at least in the same state as other family, it is rare and carries with it no grounding in Jewish life and values. There is a rampant fragmentation of the Jewish family unit for so many ashkenazic Jews of 2nd and more generations and some are content with this kind of individualism. So as you say, small steps. Your Shabbat Table goal to me is perfect but I agree with Rabbi Wolpe that its not easy because it means finding a way forward from extraordinary fragmentation.
If I could build a "Temple", I would completely inverted the structure as you suggest and engage talent in the leadership and congregants to create Shabbat Team Tables, to support each family who wants one with no cut off date. I would also make sure to create this for individuals because the idea is to enable maximum possibilities for family and other connections that may enhance any one person's Jewish life.
Zero coercion.
The Teams do not meet on Shabbat. They prepare the Shabbat Table so to speak, that is provide the resources and support for helping each family determine what their Jewish life evolves into as they grow it. The idea is that these Teams may change in leadership and people involved from time to time but ideally this team is for life if desired.
Team Tables are created from extended family members and/or friends of one family at the birth of a first newborn. The first gift could be a blanket quilted together, a homemade book of collected Jewish quotes or other loving gifts.
Team Tables meet regularly to discuss, plan, help provide and share resources within, for all matters relating to the Jewish family.
I would have loved something like this for our family. I am sure many other families would opt to respond to this reach out not even realizing its benefits at the start. All they have to be is curious and open.
Amy, I so appreciate this!! It's 100% true that it's "not easy because it means finding a way forward from extraordinary fragmentation". In many ways we are swimming against cultural and social gravity here in America and it's very very hard to do as individuals. The communities I describe have built enclaves where they can fight for this counter-cultural alternative but I agree with you that it's not so easy to replicate without extraordinary effort. But then again - the idea you are offering is the kind that can make a meaningful difference! I love it, it's really special! Would you consider applying?
I love the reform. However Sephardic Jews came from Sephard. Mizrachi Jews came from the Arab countries. Its not about better than but a different language food culture etc.
I agree we should stop apologizing for who we are or try to explain to them anything. It puts us in the victim mindset again. We need to retain agency and be proud of who we are.
Thanks, Lior! I write more about why I use the terms this way in the study I directed - check out the "Understanding Sephardic and Mizrahi Identity" section of the report: https://sephardicstudy.org/
I agree with you. I am Ashkenazi. And one thing that MENA Jews have specifically which is so missing among Ashkenazi Jews is a spectrum of observance. Ashkenazim are either religious or anti-religious. There really is no third option. It seems to me from the outside, that MENA has people whose observance might not tick all the boxes but they have a respect for tradition. This attitude that pervades Ashkenazi culture is really harmful.
Additionally, my hunch is that the traditional Jewish sanctity of life is more intact in MENA communities. Again, I could be wrong.
Agreed 100% with one caveat - in both the US and Israel lots of MENA Jewish life has begun to increasingly resemble those ashekanzi communities which have developed religious binaries... but i treasure and aspire to what I understand as the classic Sephardic model which as you note sacralized a spectrum of observance. Shabbat Shalom!
Agree with Rivka too, although agree with Mijal as well. Some of the Ashkenazi model has to do with a reaction to Western modernity, not anything inherent in Ashkenazi culture. The people in Sholem Aleichem suggest a spectrum of observance.
Much of what you are saying resonates. One of the key differences has to do with localization. Sephardic communities in America tend to be regionally concentrated (often in very high cost neighborhoods, which is a problem for the next generation ), which helps facilitate internal cohesion and familial bonds. How would this translate to the more disbursed and mobile Ashkenazi world?
This is a wonderful piece - and I think just right.
If I may I'd add one more point - and that is engaging more pointedly, directly and yet appreciatively with the history and present of relations between Jews and Muslims. American Jews - and I'd argue that to a large extent Israeli Jews as well ! - know almost nothing about the history of Jews under Muslim rule. Furthemore, as self-declared "white people", they often lack the tools to engage critically with the bad as well as with the good when it was done by "brown people."
You of course know this but many Mizrahim are comfortable holding two thoughts at once - an appreciation and longing to their home culture and a sincere desire to restore connections but also a critique of all that went wrong and is still going wrong - including an unfortunate refusal to acknowledge the history.
Muslim Americans are running for office - as they have every right to - and being loud about Palestinian human rights - as they have a right to. But we have a right to insist on our shared Jewish history under Muslim rule and not allow it to be supplanted by a fictional eutopia created for political reasons. I actually wrote a long article summarizing the history of Jews under Islam here, if anyone wants to take a look:
The line, "I have had a simple tool to stabilize me: I will always have faith in my grandmother’s God" brought tears to my eyes. I lovingly recall my grandma going to the window after lighting candles and talking to God for 15 minutes in Ladino.
I might also add that large potions of the yeshiva/Ashkenazic segments of American Jews never sought acceptance.
Grandmothers are the best. My abuelita z'l shaped me and who I want to be in the most special of ways. Sounds like you experienced this extraordinary power as well :)
Yes - re: agreed with your comment about other similar Ashkenazi communities.
As my (Ashkenazi) Jewish-American mentor used to say, "skim the cream from both cups and leave the rest behind". I am a 1st generation (not Jewish) American but was a recipient of much Jewish-American generosity in my early life & (as a true Christian believer) was raised to love & respect Jewish culture. My children, and their children, shall know of the love and appreciation that I forever hold in my heart for their memory, and what they did for me. Enormous contributions have been made to all Human Civilization by those who identified as Jews. I hope and pray they may stay under God's protection, and their culture may be preserved for the betterment of all mankind.
What an awesome quote! Love it! Thank you for your blessing - it means a lot. As my teacher Rabbi Jonathan Sacks would remind us, it's when people of different faiths are able to come together and support each other and see each others contributions and blessings that we can do great things for the world and each other. Wishing you a Shabbat Shalom!
Thank you for this. I am ashki but grew up among Bucharian Jews in Tajikistan. The Ashkenazi Jews viewed themselves more civilized while Bucharians held on to their “archaic” religious practices and continued their language. In truth they were also less persecuted for the reasons I won’t get into here. But nevertheless they preserved Judaism and had an easier time bringing it w them to America and Israel.
Now I am married to a Moroccan Jew and his family is exactly as you describe and I have fully embraced all of it. Turns out the fierce Zionism of a Soviet Jew meshes quite well with the unquestioning, devotion of a Moroccan Jew.
My one observation however of the Montreal largely Moroccan community that is for the most part in a different area from the Ashkenaz that in the unfolding of the October 7 antizionism the Moroccans are doubling down on their devotion and remain internally strong but they are not out demonstrating and displaying Israeli flags the way Montreal Ashkenazi are doing. Perhaps it is because the Ashkenazi felt a sense of belonging and acceptance that they are now fighting to defend that right. The “fight” it seems to me is one thing that Sephardi can learn from Ashkenazim. Since you mention that this is the next thing you are writing in your head :)
Thank you! This spoke to me on a personal level!
That is such an interesting observation about Montreal and the differences between Moroccans and Ashkenazim. I have to think more about this!
also loved reading about your relationship: "Turns out the fierce Zionism of a Soviet Jew meshes quite well with the unquestioning, devotion of a Moroccan Jew". Two of my close friends have soviet background and I think about this a lot - how our disparate experiences still have a lot in common!
Thank you for responding! Obviously I am over generalizing. The history of each community is so different. I wonder if the Syrian community in NY that largely came in the 90s like the Soviet Jews fight similarly? Is it different in the Iranian community? We don’t live in Montreal so it is just a “spot” observation. Some of this is also leadership driven. (Btw I am in West Hartford where we have friends in common I think :)
Your writing Mijal more than resonates with me. It reverberates. What strikes me most is when you write that institutions could support families at the center instead of the other way around.
From my own experience within ashkenazic conservative and reform synagogues, there is "programming", some very meaningful, but most short lived. The emphasis is on paralleling a business model, rather than rabbinic or educational. The programs serve short term purposes within families who aspire to integrated life choices with little to no geographical boundaries that prioritize being close to family. And if they prioritize being at least in the same state as other family, it is rare and carries with it no grounding in Jewish life and values. There is a rampant fragmentation of the Jewish family unit for so many ashkenazic Jews of 2nd and more generations and some are content with this kind of individualism. So as you say, small steps. Your Shabbat Table goal to me is perfect but I agree with Rabbi Wolpe that its not easy because it means finding a way forward from extraordinary fragmentation.
If I could build a "Temple", I would completely inverted the structure as you suggest and engage talent in the leadership and congregants to create Shabbat Team Tables, to support each family who wants one with no cut off date. I would also make sure to create this for individuals because the idea is to enable maximum possibilities for family and other connections that may enhance any one person's Jewish life.
Zero coercion.
The Teams do not meet on Shabbat. They prepare the Shabbat Table so to speak, that is provide the resources and support for helping each family determine what their Jewish life evolves into as they grow it. The idea is that these Teams may change in leadership and people involved from time to time but ideally this team is for life if desired.
Team Tables are created from extended family members and/or friends of one family at the birth of a first newborn. The first gift could be a blanket quilted together, a homemade book of collected Jewish quotes or other loving gifts.
Team Tables meet regularly to discuss, plan, help provide and share resources within, for all matters relating to the Jewish family.
I would have loved something like this for our family. I am sure many other families would opt to respond to this reach out not even realizing its benefits at the start. All they have to be is curious and open.
I have a dream.....🙂
Amy, I so appreciate this!! It's 100% true that it's "not easy because it means finding a way forward from extraordinary fragmentation". In many ways we are swimming against cultural and social gravity here in America and it's very very hard to do as individuals. The communities I describe have built enclaves where they can fight for this counter-cultural alternative but I agree with you that it's not so easy to replicate without extraordinary effort. But then again - the idea you are offering is the kind that can make a meaningful difference! I love it, it's really special! Would you consider applying?
Yes. I will.
I’m Ashkenazi and agree with you. So much to think about, and hopefully implement! Fantastic essay.
Thank you so much @JS! Shabbat Shalom!
I love the reform. However Sephardic Jews came from Sephard. Mizrachi Jews came from the Arab countries. Its not about better than but a different language food culture etc.
I agree we should stop apologizing for who we are or try to explain to them anything. It puts us in the victim mindset again. We need to retain agency and be proud of who we are.
Thanks, Lior! I write more about why I use the terms this way in the study I directed - check out the "Understanding Sephardic and Mizrahi Identity" section of the report: https://sephardicstudy.org/
I agree with you. I am Ashkenazi. And one thing that MENA Jews have specifically which is so missing among Ashkenazi Jews is a spectrum of observance. Ashkenazim are either religious or anti-religious. There really is no third option. It seems to me from the outside, that MENA has people whose observance might not tick all the boxes but they have a respect for tradition. This attitude that pervades Ashkenazi culture is really harmful.
Additionally, my hunch is that the traditional Jewish sanctity of life is more intact in MENA communities. Again, I could be wrong.
Agreed 100% with one caveat - in both the US and Israel lots of MENA Jewish life has begun to increasingly resemble those ashekanzi communities which have developed religious binaries... but i treasure and aspire to what I understand as the classic Sephardic model which as you note sacralized a spectrum of observance. Shabbat Shalom!
Agree with Rivka too, although agree with Mijal as well. Some of the Ashkenazi model has to do with a reaction to Western modernity, not anything inherent in Ashkenazi culture. The people in Sholem Aleichem suggest a spectrum of observance.
Yes - I recommend Hayim Soloveitchik's classic "Rupture and Reconstruction" in which he talks about the transformation of Ashkenazi Orthodox religiosity from mimetic to text-based. https://www.bjpa.org/content/upload/bjpa/rupt/RuptureAndReconstruction.pdf
There’s a real daylight between the two groups that doesn’t seem necessary.
Much of what you are saying resonates. One of the key differences has to do with localization. Sephardic communities in America tend to be regionally concentrated (often in very high cost neighborhoods, which is a problem for the next generation ), which helps facilitate internal cohesion and familial bonds. How would this translate to the more disbursed and mobile Ashkenazi world?
This is a wonderful piece - and I think just right.
If I may I'd add one more point - and that is engaging more pointedly, directly and yet appreciatively with the history and present of relations between Jews and Muslims. American Jews - and I'd argue that to a large extent Israeli Jews as well ! - know almost nothing about the history of Jews under Muslim rule. Furthemore, as self-declared "white people", they often lack the tools to engage critically with the bad as well as with the good when it was done by "brown people."
You of course know this but many Mizrahim are comfortable holding two thoughts at once - an appreciation and longing to their home culture and a sincere desire to restore connections but also a critique of all that went wrong and is still going wrong - including an unfortunate refusal to acknowledge the history.
Muslim Americans are running for office - as they have every right to - and being loud about Palestinian human rights - as they have a right to. But we have a right to insist on our shared Jewish history under Muslim rule and not allow it to be supplanted by a fictional eutopia created for political reasons. I actually wrote a long article summarizing the history of Jews under Islam here, if anyone wants to take a look:
https://beginbeginning.substack.com/p/the-untold-story-of-the-jews-of-islam